I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
