First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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