dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
