After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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