ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
