You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
