I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
