"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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