I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
