awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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