I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
