I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
