tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
