Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
