All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
