drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
ttyl tear gas
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
