Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
