He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
