She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
