why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
