Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
