Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
