Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
