captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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