I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
