so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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