I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
