i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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