So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
