these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
