Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Enjoy the penises
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
