She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
