I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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