Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
