google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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