Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
