Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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