I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
