I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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