Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
