At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
