my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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