We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
