I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
