your parents love me but you hate me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
