Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drake has all the answers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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