I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
