I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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