Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
