i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
