textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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