My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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