I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
