remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
