People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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Found your dick twin last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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