I smell stomach acid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
