Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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