I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
