He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
