Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
