it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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