I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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