Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
