hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
