Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
