Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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