just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
