I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
