Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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