I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
