Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize