that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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