I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
