it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
