By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
